Tips for a Happy Marriage--#6: Traditions

Does anyone but me have the Fiddler on the Roof theme song running through their head right now? What a great musical, but it is kind of heavy. As a teenager I found Tevye and Golde's marriage depressing. After 25 years of living and struggling together, Golde "supposes" she loves her husband. As a teenager I thought, "That's the best she can say after 25 years?" Now I find their marriage kind of sweet. There's something to be said for faithful, service-oriented love even if it doesn't begin with the excitement of romance. And I guess that's where I'm going with marriage tip #6. Day in and day out love like Tevye and Golde's, shown in those little traditions you build as a couple. Here is ours . . .

I'm not sure how the tradition started, but I'm pretty sure it was well ensconced by the end of our first year of marriage. Every Sunday night, rain or shine, we have homemade barbeque chicken pizza. Thirteen years of weekly pizza dates, just the two of us, after the kids are in bed, sitting side by side on the couch while we watch a funny TV show or a football game, depending on the season. One of our friends, upon viewing this tradition, said it was like a dance. I suppose it is. I make the dough, my husband grills some chicken, I make sure we have the barbeque sauce and cheese, and then my husband rolls out the dough and puts it all together and brings me a plate of piping hot pizza. The best in the world, not only because it tastes good, but also because it is made with love.


Now, when this tradition started we weren't trying to do something good for our marriage. We just liked pizza and wanted to close off the weekend with a fun and casual meal. But somehow it's become good for our marriage. It's stable. Predictable. Simple. Fun. No matter what else may be going on, no matter what disagreements or stresses we may be facing or how busy our lives may be, we can always count on Sunday night pizza. No matter what ages our kids are or how small our bank account or how infrequent our date nights, we can always count on Sunday night pizza.

And that's symbolic of our marriage. Seasons come and go, warm fuzzies wax and occasionally wane a bit, but our marriage, and our love for one another, is here for the long haul, week after week, just like our Sunday night pizza tradition. So here's my marriage tip: Have traditions for just the two of you. It's great to have traditions with the kids, and going out on dates is great too. But it's even better to have a tradition in your marriage that you can count on even when you can't get out for a date or finances don't allow your annual overnight getaway. Maybe it's a weekly walk, or a Saturday morning cup of coffee while the kids watch TV, or dessert after the kids are in bed, or a weekly game night. My husband's grandparents used to have ice cream every night, a tradition his grandma continues even though her husband is now in heaven. When we're at her house, I think we all remember grandpa and the wonderful life he and Gram shared while we eat our ice cream.

I don't think your couple tradition has to necessarily involve deep conversation. Maybe it's better if it doesn't. It just has to be that thing you can count on doing together, no matter what else is going on in your marriage or in life. Now I know that couple traditions are as unique as each marriage is, and I suspect they arise naturally, without forethought, so I'm curious: what is your couple tradition? Maybe you don't even call it a tradition, but what is that thing you always do together, no matter what? Share with us . . .