Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Desperate Times
I always wanted to have a lot of kids. Babies are so delicious and wonderful that I kept wanting one more. When I had four kids, I was constantly looking around to see if we had them all, as if one was missing even when all four were there. And so we ended up with five kids. Not a huge family, but pretty big. And I love it, most of the time. After all, this is what I always wanted.
The thing is, though, I like calm and neat. Peace and quiet. Order. Moments alone with a book and a cup of coffee. Which is pretty impossible with five kids, even when they are good kids. Five kids make a lot of messes. Five kids in a smallish house are hard to keep organized. They make a lot of noise. They have a lot going on, and it's hard to keep track of all that they are supposed to do and all the places they are supposed to be. The mess and the schedule and the pace of life are overwhelming.
And I have to say that a lot of days I don't handle it very well. I go to the kitchen, see the dishes of five kids all out on the counter, and start to clean them up. I can handle this. And then I notice the grimy mess someone left under their chair. So I start to clean that up, slightly less cheerful than when I came into the kitchen. And then I notice that there is peanut butter smeared on the chair leg about two inches from the floor. How in the world did they get that there? And so I clean that up too, and by this point I'm seething inside. Why doesn't anyone dean up after themselves, just a little bit? Do they honestly not see the trail of stuff they leave in their wake, or do they just not care that they are leaving it for me to clean up?
I've just come from the bedroom the three girls share, and even with my supervision they have managed to turn five minutes' worth of cleaning into half an hour of my nagging and their seeming blindness to the things that are out of place. Sometimes I despair of their learning basic responsibility, let alone ever being able to manage a household of their own.
But I think the bigger issue here is my own sinfulness. Why do I get so impatient? Why do I yell at them, so angry at the childishness of these children? Why is my agenda more important to me than their feelings? Why can I not slow down just a bit and offer them more understanding, more compassion?
These are the questions I ask myself numerous times each year. I have weeks where everything is going pretty well and I am cheerful and reasonable even in the face of chaos and mess and being pulled in a million different directions. And then I have several weeks in a row of utter frustration. Days when I call my husband and ask if he can please come home now before I kill one of the children. Moments when I realize that I am probably capable of injuring my children if I don't get away from them right now. Nights when I vow in the silent hours after bedtime that tomorrow will be better, and then I wake up the next morning and blow up at the first frustration I face. Quiet conversations where my husband tells me (in the nicest possible way) that I really need to get a grip. Dark hours when I realize that I'm simply not up to the task of mothering these children. I cannot take one more tantrum, one more mess, one more forgotten homework assignment, one more obstinate piano practice session.
And at those helpless moments, I think God is saying to himself, "Oh good, she's finally realized she needs me." I am a desperate, broken sinner in need of saving every moment. The truth is, I can't do this mothering thing. It's not my imagination: the demands of life are impossible. But with God all things are possible.
Those weeks where everything is going pretty well and I'm mostly cheerful? Those are the weeks I've been praying. Praying for my children, praying for myself, simply crying out "Daddy, Daddy" to my heavenly father in those moments when I can't go on. I only wish that it didn't take desperate moments for me to remember to climb back into my heavenly Father's lap.
The thing is, though, I like calm and neat. Peace and quiet. Order. Moments alone with a book and a cup of coffee. Which is pretty impossible with five kids, even when they are good kids. Five kids make a lot of messes. Five kids in a smallish house are hard to keep organized. They make a lot of noise. They have a lot going on, and it's hard to keep track of all that they are supposed to do and all the places they are supposed to be. The mess and the schedule and the pace of life are overwhelming.
And I have to say that a lot of days I don't handle it very well. I go to the kitchen, see the dishes of five kids all out on the counter, and start to clean them up. I can handle this. And then I notice the grimy mess someone left under their chair. So I start to clean that up, slightly less cheerful than when I came into the kitchen. And then I notice that there is peanut butter smeared on the chair leg about two inches from the floor. How in the world did they get that there? And so I clean that up too, and by this point I'm seething inside. Why doesn't anyone dean up after themselves, just a little bit? Do they honestly not see the trail of stuff they leave in their wake, or do they just not care that they are leaving it for me to clean up?
I've just come from the bedroom the three girls share, and even with my supervision they have managed to turn five minutes' worth of cleaning into half an hour of my nagging and their seeming blindness to the things that are out of place. Sometimes I despair of their learning basic responsibility, let alone ever being able to manage a household of their own.
But I think the bigger issue here is my own sinfulness. Why do I get so impatient? Why do I yell at them, so angry at the childishness of these children? Why is my agenda more important to me than their feelings? Why can I not slow down just a bit and offer them more understanding, more compassion?
These are the questions I ask myself numerous times each year. I have weeks where everything is going pretty well and I am cheerful and reasonable even in the face of chaos and mess and being pulled in a million different directions. And then I have several weeks in a row of utter frustration. Days when I call my husband and ask if he can please come home now before I kill one of the children. Moments when I realize that I am probably capable of injuring my children if I don't get away from them right now. Nights when I vow in the silent hours after bedtime that tomorrow will be better, and then I wake up the next morning and blow up at the first frustration I face. Quiet conversations where my husband tells me (in the nicest possible way) that I really need to get a grip. Dark hours when I realize that I'm simply not up to the task of mothering these children. I cannot take one more tantrum, one more mess, one more forgotten homework assignment, one more obstinate piano practice session.
And at those helpless moments, I think God is saying to himself, "Oh good, she's finally realized she needs me." I am a desperate, broken sinner in need of saving every moment. The truth is, I can't do this mothering thing. It's not my imagination: the demands of life are impossible. But with God all things are possible.
Those weeks where everything is going pretty well and I'm mostly cheerful? Those are the weeks I've been praying. Praying for my children, praying for myself, simply crying out "Daddy, Daddy" to my heavenly father in those moments when I can't go on. I only wish that it didn't take desperate moments for me to remember to climb back into my heavenly Father's lap.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Mondays with Martha
It's been a while since I've posted a Mondays with Martha entry. I've got my Christmas stuff down and my snowmen up (here's hoping some real snow comes our way soon!). But I feel rather uninspired by my house. Maybe you're feeling that way too. Sometimes all I need is to be inspired by someone else's ideas, so I've got a few solutions for house-doldrums today.
1) Clean. It's amazing how much happier you'll be with your house if it's clean. Set aside one hour and follow these steps:
You'll probably be so inspired by your one-hour clean that you'll want to tackle a little more tomorrow and get it really, really clean. In the meantime,
2) Tackle one area that is really aggravating you. Is it the kitchen counter, covered with stuff? The pile of kids' craft stuff in the dining room? The kitchen cabinet that won't close all the way because it's so crammed with stuff? Your bedroom, which is not relaxing because it's such a disaster area? I'm just listing what's wrong with my own house here...you probably have all these things under control. But maybe there's just one place that needs some organizing.
For me, the area that's driving me crazy changes often. Sometimes I can deal with a messy bedroom, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I've been living with a particular mess and not noticed it and then suddenly looking at it makes me want to get a big garbage bag and throw it all away. Whenever I'm discontented with my house, I look around and realize that it's not the house that's making me feel overwhelmed and unhappy, it's one particular mess. And if I reorganize that one area, I'm much happier.
When you've figured out that one area that you need to deal with for your own sanity, start purging. Throw some stuff out, give some away, make a pile of the things that could be stored somewhere else, and then figure out what's left to go back into that space.
This is the girls' room. The bed and bedding are new from Ikea. The baskets are from the dollar store and are helping me keep my sanity about the clutter in a room shared by 3 girls.
A word about purging: The experts all say that if you haven't used something in a year it should be tossed. I say baloney to that. Craft things may hang around for 7 years and then suddenly be just the right thing for some project. Books may sit around for 20 years and then be read again. Clothing fashions come and go. Some things (for me it's certain baby items) have emotional attachments, and that's a perfectly good reason to keep them. But I will say that I haven't regretted anything in the 20 or so bags I've purged from our house in the last year.
If you're having trouble sorting, here are some things you can do with that thing you're just not quite ready to commit to getting rid of. Put it in a bag and put it in the attic or garage. That way it's out of your hair and you can make a final decision later. Or take a picture of it, and then get rid of it. Or give it to someone you know who needs it. Or get rid of all that stuff and then reward yourself with coffee with a friend. Don't let your emotional attachment to stuff be a stumbling block to making your living areas work for you--find a way to clear things out and still honor your emotions.
After that sorting, figure out storage solutions. Maybe you have a box or basket that can be repurposed for that area, or maybe you need to go shopping to find exactly the right thing. Pretty storage containers and storage containers that are all the same really help to make the area you've tackled more pleasing, so it's worth spending a little money if you can. If you are repurposing baskets that are not all the same, you can spray paint them for a more uniform look.
Back to how to deal with housekeeping doldrums, here are a few other ideas.
3) Rearrange your furniture. Or buy a new item that is just the right thing for a particular spot.
4) Have someone over. Hospitality motivates us to clean and make everything nice, and then we get to keep enjoying the house even after our guests have left.
5) Pay attention to your senses. Make your house smell nice by lighting some scented candles, make it feel nice by tossing a soft throw on the couch, make it look nice by arranging your knickknacks in a new way, make it taste nice by baking something yummy, and make it sound nice by putting one some music.
6) Give yourself a gift. It could be a knickknack (Need an excuse to go thrift store shopping or to TJ Maxx? Here it is!) or it could be carving out a little space for some particular purpose. Periodically I move my spot for my quiet times around--sometimes my Bible and journal are in a basket by a chair, sometimes they are on a shelf cleared out just for them. Or maybe you need a cozy chair for reading, and your books aren't very accessible. Put a lamp on the table, stack your reading material in a basket, and add a throw blanket to the chair. Or maybe your crafty stuff is in disarray and it's time to fix up your craft supplies and art table in a way that makes it more inviting so you can give yourself some "me" time.
7) Buy something living, like a bouquet of flowers or a houseplant. It'll do wonders for any room.
8) Repaint. If all else fails, repaint a room in your house. As an added bonus, it'll motivate you to purge and organize at the same time. Or paint a piece of furniture. Or just one wall in a room. Or, if you're really artsy, paint a mural on a wall. Paint is cheap, especially if you buy those cans someone had mixed and then returned, so you get a lot of bang for your buck.
What do you do when your house is feeling cluttery and uninspiring? Share your ideas in a comment!
1) Clean. It's amazing how much happier you'll be with your house if it's clean. Set aside one hour and follow these steps:
- Start a load of laundry.
- Take that laundry basket to the living room and dump everything that's out of place into it. Do a quickie vacuuming and dusting, and one room is done. Do the same thing in your family room and you're probably already feeling much happier with the state of your house. 20 minutes.
- Take that laundry basket with you into your other living areas and keep collecting out of place junk. Then move on to the bedrooms and start depositing that stuff where it goes. If your kids are over about 4, I think they should be cleaning their own rooms, but maybe the younger ones (4-7) need some help now and then. 10 minutes.
- Make all unmade beds, pick up dirty laundry from bedrooms, and run the vacuum through them. 15 minutes.
- Close the door to the basement/playroom/study--all those places you couldn't get to in one hour. Deal with them tomorrow.
- Take paper towels and glass cleaner into the bathrooms and wipe down mirrors, counter, and (last) the toilet seat. Clean the toilet if it needs it. 5 minutes.
- Sweep the bathrooms and kitchen. 10 minutes.
You'll probably be so inspired by your one-hour clean that you'll want to tackle a little more tomorrow and get it really, really clean. In the meantime,
For me, the area that's driving me crazy changes often. Sometimes I can deal with a messy bedroom, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I've been living with a particular mess and not noticed it and then suddenly looking at it makes me want to get a big garbage bag and throw it all away. Whenever I'm discontented with my house, I look around and realize that it's not the house that's making me feel overwhelmed and unhappy, it's one particular mess. And if I reorganize that one area, I'm much happier.
When you've figured out that one area that you need to deal with for your own sanity, start purging. Throw some stuff out, give some away, make a pile of the things that could be stored somewhere else, and then figure out what's left to go back into that space.
A word about purging: The experts all say that if you haven't used something in a year it should be tossed. I say baloney to that. Craft things may hang around for 7 years and then suddenly be just the right thing for some project. Books may sit around for 20 years and then be read again. Clothing fashions come and go. Some things (for me it's certain baby items) have emotional attachments, and that's a perfectly good reason to keep them. But I will say that I haven't regretted anything in the 20 or so bags I've purged from our house in the last year.
If you're having trouble sorting, here are some things you can do with that thing you're just not quite ready to commit to getting rid of. Put it in a bag and put it in the attic or garage. That way it's out of your hair and you can make a final decision later. Or take a picture of it, and then get rid of it. Or give it to someone you know who needs it. Or get rid of all that stuff and then reward yourself with coffee with a friend. Don't let your emotional attachment to stuff be a stumbling block to making your living areas work for you--find a way to clear things out and still honor your emotions.
After that sorting, figure out storage solutions. Maybe you have a box or basket that can be repurposed for that area, or maybe you need to go shopping to find exactly the right thing. Pretty storage containers and storage containers that are all the same really help to make the area you've tackled more pleasing, so it's worth spending a little money if you can. If you are repurposing baskets that are not all the same, you can spray paint them for a more uniform look.
Back to how to deal with housekeeping doldrums, here are a few other ideas.
3) Rearrange your furniture. Or buy a new item that is just the right thing for a particular spot.
4) Have someone over. Hospitality motivates us to clean and make everything nice, and then we get to keep enjoying the house even after our guests have left.
5) Pay attention to your senses. Make your house smell nice by lighting some scented candles, make it feel nice by tossing a soft throw on the couch, make it look nice by arranging your knickknacks in a new way, make it taste nice by baking something yummy, and make it sound nice by putting one some music.
6) Give yourself a gift. It could be a knickknack (Need an excuse to go thrift store shopping or to TJ Maxx? Here it is!) or it could be carving out a little space for some particular purpose. Periodically I move my spot for my quiet times around--sometimes my Bible and journal are in a basket by a chair, sometimes they are on a shelf cleared out just for them. Or maybe you need a cozy chair for reading, and your books aren't very accessible. Put a lamp on the table, stack your reading material in a basket, and add a throw blanket to the chair. Or maybe your crafty stuff is in disarray and it's time to fix up your craft supplies and art table in a way that makes it more inviting so you can give yourself some "me" time.
7) Buy something living, like a bouquet of flowers or a houseplant. It'll do wonders for any room.
8) Repaint. If all else fails, repaint a room in your house. As an added bonus, it'll motivate you to purge and organize at the same time. Or paint a piece of furniture. Or just one wall in a room. Or, if you're really artsy, paint a mural on a wall. Paint is cheap, especially if you buy those cans someone had mixed and then returned, so you get a lot of bang for your buck.
What do you do when your house is feeling cluttery and uninspiring? Share your ideas in a comment!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Friday Funnies
It's been a while since I was in the working world, but it hasn't been so long that I don't remember this exact thing. Enjoy!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Contemplative Life
Yesterday I had an idea that today would be a good day to think and write about being more contemplative this year. I'd love to slow down, to think more, to pray more, and to live more in the moment this year. Maybe I'm searching for an area to focus on this year, a resolution beyond the goals I make (and usually break) each year. I think we all need more quiet in our lives, whether we consciously realize it or not.
And then I read this quote:
"The quest for a contemplative life can actually be self-absorbed, focused on my quiet and me. If we love people and have the power to help, then we are going to be busy. Learning to pray doesn't offer us a less busy life; it offers us a less busy heart. In the midst of outer busyness we can develop an inner quiet. Because we are less hectic on the inside, we have a greater capacity to love...and thus to be busy, which in turn drives us even more into a life of prayer."--Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life
Wow. He is so right. Some days I find myself thinking, if only I didn't have all these kids around all day, imagine how much I could get done! and then God's still, small voice reminds me, these kids are my job! They are not interruptions keeping me from more important things on my to-do list, they are the top thing on my to-do list. Life with 5 kids and a freelance job and friends is going to be busy. Life with one kid would be busy. So would life with a full-time job and no kids. There's no way around it. There are messes to clean up and deadlines to meet and social obligations to fulfill. There are people counting on us in one way or another.
But what I long for is a quiet heart in the midst of that. I don't need to fight the good busyness (although I do think there is a busyness I can put on myself that is full of things God hasn't put on my to-do list--more on that another time). I need to develop a quiet heart that will carry me through my busy days with grace and patience, that will leave me unruffled by the demands others place on me and unconcerned when I fail to meet their expectations.
I think the way in to that quiet heart is a journey into the heart of prayer. So as I look at the year ahead, the thing I want to work on is not finding more time for quiet or focusing on building a contemplative life, but prayer. Not quietness as an end in itself, but prayerfulness in the midst of busyness. And hopefully the outgrowth from that will be a quietness of heart that will bless those around me.
And then I read this quote:
"The quest for a contemplative life can actually be self-absorbed, focused on my quiet and me. If we love people and have the power to help, then we are going to be busy. Learning to pray doesn't offer us a less busy life; it offers us a less busy heart. In the midst of outer busyness we can develop an inner quiet. Because we are less hectic on the inside, we have a greater capacity to love...and thus to be busy, which in turn drives us even more into a life of prayer."--Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life
Wow. He is so right. Some days I find myself thinking, if only I didn't have all these kids around all day, imagine how much I could get done! and then God's still, small voice reminds me, these kids are my job! They are not interruptions keeping me from more important things on my to-do list, they are the top thing on my to-do list. Life with 5 kids and a freelance job and friends is going to be busy. Life with one kid would be busy. So would life with a full-time job and no kids. There's no way around it. There are messes to clean up and deadlines to meet and social obligations to fulfill. There are people counting on us in one way or another.
But what I long for is a quiet heart in the midst of that. I don't need to fight the good busyness (although I do think there is a busyness I can put on myself that is full of things God hasn't put on my to-do list--more on that another time). I need to develop a quiet heart that will carry me through my busy days with grace and patience, that will leave me unruffled by the demands others place on me and unconcerned when I fail to meet their expectations.
I think the way in to that quiet heart is a journey into the heart of prayer. So as I look at the year ahead, the thing I want to work on is not finding more time for quiet or focusing on building a contemplative life, but prayer. Not quietness as an end in itself, but prayerfulness in the midst of busyness. And hopefully the outgrowth from that will be a quietness of heart that will bless those around me.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A Blank Page
Our tree is looking tired, the presents are safely tucked into the spaces we've found for them, and school started today. It must be time to clean the house and get back into the everyday routine, including this blog. The problem is, this blank page is a little bit intimidating. I don't want to write just to write something--I want it to be encouraging or helpful or entertaining (or all three). I don't pretend to have any profound ideas, but I certainly don't want to waste your time or mine.
In a way, I think the blank page is a metaphor for what is both inspiring and terrifying about the beginning of a new year. It feels like a good time to take stock, to think about how where you are and where you'd like to go next. But sometimes that's scary, because you don't like where you are or you don't think you can make it to where you want to be. 2012 is a blank page, and I'm not sure how to start writing this story.
I don't really write New Year's resolutions, but I do make them in my head. They are pretty much the same every year. I want to read the Bible in a year. (And get past March this time.) I want to do better about writing thank-you notes and sending birthday greetings. (I always fail miserably at that one, despite my best intentions.) I want to be more relaxed about housework and less grumpy with my kids. (Those two are very closely related in my world, since the mess is what makes me grumpy.) I want to get in shape and eat better for the whole year, not just a month or two. I fill each new year's blank page with resolutions made and broken, with successes and failures.
And so with each new page I wonder how I can make it come out a little better than last time. But I think I'd feel a lot better about the blank pages in life if I could let them inspire me rather than intimidate me. The secret to that, I think, is a shift in perspective: realizing that my life, and each new page in it, is something God and I write together, Him leading and me cooperating in the process. If I think about the surprises and interruptions in life--good and bad--as an intentional blip in the story line made by a wise and loving author, I won't be ruffled by them. If I look at the new page with excited anticipation to see what comes next rather than feeling responsible to force the next episode, I think I'll be happier.
The only way to start filling a blank page is to start writing. And the only way to make a fresh start in this new year is to start living. Are you with me? Let's not be intimidated by this blank page of 2012, let's get excited to see what God has in store!
In a way, I think the blank page is a metaphor for what is both inspiring and terrifying about the beginning of a new year. It feels like a good time to take stock, to think about how where you are and where you'd like to go next. But sometimes that's scary, because you don't like where you are or you don't think you can make it to where you want to be. 2012 is a blank page, and I'm not sure how to start writing this story.
I don't really write New Year's resolutions, but I do make them in my head. They are pretty much the same every year. I want to read the Bible in a year. (And get past March this time.) I want to do better about writing thank-you notes and sending birthday greetings. (I always fail miserably at that one, despite my best intentions.) I want to be more relaxed about housework and less grumpy with my kids. (Those two are very closely related in my world, since the mess is what makes me grumpy.) I want to get in shape and eat better for the whole year, not just a month or two. I fill each new year's blank page with resolutions made and broken, with successes and failures.
And so with each new page I wonder how I can make it come out a little better than last time. But I think I'd feel a lot better about the blank pages in life if I could let them inspire me rather than intimidate me. The secret to that, I think, is a shift in perspective: realizing that my life, and each new page in it, is something God and I write together, Him leading and me cooperating in the process. If I think about the surprises and interruptions in life--good and bad--as an intentional blip in the story line made by a wise and loving author, I won't be ruffled by them. If I look at the new page with excited anticipation to see what comes next rather than feeling responsible to force the next episode, I think I'll be happier.
The only way to start filling a blank page is to start writing. And the only way to make a fresh start in this new year is to start living. Are you with me? Let's not be intimidated by this blank page of 2012, let's get excited to see what God has in store!
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